comix & etx by a weenie

Friday, December 16, 2011

grant & i are both very hungover today

we had too much to drink at happy hour last night. we are both eating burritos for lunch.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

i asked grant for some gum

he gave me a piece & then i asked for another.

"did you accidentally spit yours out?"

"no, i want to be able to blow a bubble."

"naturally."

Thursday, December 8, 2011

also

i accidentally touched grant's weiner when i was trying to teach him to ice skate. he said "you touched my penis" very loudly which made it extra awkward. you can see why he is so special to me.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

right now

grant is playing & singing an acoustic version of "i wanna fuck you like an animal." it's a beauty.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

grant just changed his facebook name to grant e. pants

i should probably sue him for copyright infringement or something, on account of the granty pantys. right?

Friday, November 18, 2011

today is my mother's birthday

grant said "will you tell her i said thank you for making you for me?"

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

grant & i had a very inappropriate email haiku exchange last night

myself:
already miss you
no one to talk of Vs with
for three entire days


grant:
the time will fly by
however I will miss you
you and your gash wound


three notes:
1. grant is going on a business trip for 3 days.
2. someone else was included on these emails.
3. i am so pleased at having spread use of the word "gash" to describe "vagina" around the office. everyone is saying it!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

grant update from about half an hour ago

we are watching "a woman is a woman" on the projector because i'm in charge of movies around here & grant asked me what it was & i told him & then i told him about how anna karina is one of my favorites & he said "that's because you look like her" & now i love him even more than i did before.

grant is the second person to compare me to her, wonderful news.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

grant update: 11/8/11 4:06 pm

grant, rubbing my shoulders: "oh, you're so tense."

[pause]

grant, stopped rubbing my shoulders: "must be all that daytime television."

Friday, November 4, 2011

dunno if this is an ode to a woman or the weed cookie he just ate

every cell calls out
a unified battle cry
fuck fuck fuck and fuck

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

a haiku exchange

grant:
i just went too far
i did not think before i spoke
i am a an ass

myself:
a tiny comfort
it is likely what they all
expected of you

grant:
i am not worthy
you are a wise old soul
i bask in your glow

Friday, October 28, 2011

the new ANONYMOUS wrote this haiku about grant

Grant's Morning Haiku

Forming a circle
Against porcelain bidet wall
A lone pubic hair

i can't believe i didn't make a blog about this already

but grant and i have been skype-ing in haiku of late. he's written some good ones. i don't think he would like me to share these, so don't tell him i did.

i have no talent
for the writing of haikus
sad but very true

people are stupid
i can not stomach their noise
i need some earplugs

i love haikus now
i could write them all day
yep i think i will

irene my hero
you are a bad ass woman
tell me what you need

i love some drama
it fills up my boring day
shit he saw my screen

i am watching grant while he is in a meeting, very clearly bored

and i got inspired to write him a haiku:

sometimes i see you
and the first thing i think is
“grant lynn buffalo”

Thursday, October 27, 2011

grant is on the phone with his wife

first he said "you're a good little wifey."

then he said "what are you wearing?"

then he said "make me some dinner!"

now he is off the phone. then he said to me "i only like women who are mean to me."

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

overheard

"there's something about smart and totally socially incompetent people that really turns me on."

- grant

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

the new ANONYMOUS wrote this haiku about grant

Ripe with irony
Yet untouched, in a closet
Grant’s white leather shoes

Monday, October 17, 2011

grant was pretty lecherous today

personally i drew the line at "yogurt pillows," but several others drew their lines earlier.

at the end of the day i said "i sure hope you're not actin like this tomorrow" to which he shrugged.

then he told me some top secret exciting (for me) news!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

the grant diet

he is on some thing that involves no carbs, some other rules, i wasn't paying that much attention. he says he likes to be able to control things, which is why he is doing it.

it's been going on for a couple of days, but he was just at my desk talking about it just now.

as he walked away he said "what am i doing? i don't need to eat... i'll photosynthesize!"

Monday, July 11, 2011

grantroglyphics.

i found this notebook in the conference room. there wasn't that much writing in it, but this page gave its owner away immediately.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

an exchange.

grant: did you lose some weight?

me: no.

grant: did you gain some weight?

me: yes.

...

me: thanks for asking if i lost some weight first.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

not grant update

our ceo is german and speaks english pretty well but sometimes he still has trouble with idioms. instead of "a bitter pill to swallow" or "a hard nut to crack" yesterday he combined them into the magical "hard nut to swallow."

- story reported by ANONYMOUS

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

grant brought me a present:

it's veggie chips.

then he said, "it looks like you showered today."

and i said, "well, i did."

and then he made a hilarious joke about how i will be young for two more months, and walked away.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

the tail of a conversation grant and i just had

me: well, you don't want to become unattractive to your wife.

[pause]

grant: i'm pretty sure that ship has sailed.

grant's wife update

we're friends on facebook now.

i wonder if grant will notice.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

grant updates from earlier today

i offered him a veggie chip from the bag i was eating and he took the only one that was a beet, which i like best.

i told him he was my favorite person at work, but then i reminded him what a small pool of nice or interesting or NOT TOTAL MORONS i have to choose from.

he hasn't worn white shoes in, i dunno, years. remember when he used to?

Monday, June 20, 2011

grant, the inventor

THIS is his latest invention. HARDY HAR HAR.

he showed this to me after he brought up wanting to buy a "fuck chair" for the small conference room.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

ALERT

grant just caught me watching melrose place.

i hope grant never catches me writing a blog about grant.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

grant said something really good this morning

regarding a client, and regarding feeling like you're in control but you aren't at all. and i meant to write it down so i could write about it because it applied to all of life, like some of the things he sometimes says do.

he ate a tuna fish sandwich for lunch and then tried to tell me a story about his life which was actually that scene from reality bites where ethan hawke eats the candy bar and gets fired.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

grant update 6/14/11 11:37pm

GRANT AND HIS DEPARTMENT ARE GOING ON A PICNIC HE INVITED ME I SAID NO STOP

on grant

mitch on grant: he's like the most straight-laced guy ever.

myself on grant: he's pretty much the weirdest person ever.

grant on mitch: he's lived a scandalous life.

Monday, June 6, 2011

grant/myself update: JUST NOW BREAKING

grant has taken to drinking at lunch, because "it makes the afternoon easier."

today whoever he ate lunch with told him he is good at maintaining control of situations because he is able to stay emotionally distant.

i said "i'm not very good at that at all!"

he said "you use irony to your advantage, though." and then, "but i guess you're still a girl."

i looked at him and as he walked away he said "yeah, at the end of the day, you're still just a girl."

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Friday, May 20, 2011

grant & i are discussing our impending doom

and he says "so i don't even get any time to repent?"

and i said "no, you have until 6pm tomorrow."

and he says "i'll repent after i eat this burrito."

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

grant and i were having a nice conversation

and he said "is it inappropriate to tell you i love you?"

and i said "no."

and he said "i love you."

and then i didn't say anything.

Friday, March 25, 2011

grant (stuff) update

those of you who are longtime readers and fans will remember this.

you will also be pleased to see that i've branched out.

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Friday, March 11, 2011

grant just came up to my desk & quoted ace ventura.

it was even my favorite quote.



sometimes, it's like he really knows me.

Friday, February 18, 2011

grant update 2/18/11 4:03 pm

i just showed grant this picture (nsfl) and he said "that looks fun!"

INAPPROPRIATE.

Monday, February 7, 2011

you learn something new (about grant) every day

I worked as a dishwasher in the deli at the Del Mar Jimbo’s during High School. I took the job to meet a girl who worked there. Her name was Ann. -Grant

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

grant just sent me an email

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HOW RUDE! i made the mistake of telling him he was my favorite person to work with (now that kevin is gone).

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

grant just gave me a hug.

that's it, the entire update.

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