comix & etx by a weenie

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

a conversation with my boss just now

me: maybe you're retarded.
him: maybe?

instant message photobooth mashup with john, part 4: JOHN LOVES ALAN THICKE

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he immediately signed off.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

so kevin's in a meeting and he says

"what are after hours learnings? that sounds like something grant would be involved in."

Monday, December 14, 2009

christmas party grant update

i was sitting next to jeff. grant came over to our table and put his arms around us. "my two favorite employees!" he exclaimed. "we should go take a picture, the three of us!" (the theme of the work party was prom. winter wonderland!) i said "yes, we really should," as i shoved jeff out of the way. we didn't, though.

---

grant came over to where i was sitting next to stefanie, who was my date. to me he said "you look ravishing." to stefanie he said "are you his date?" while pointing to jj. "no," she said, "i'm hers" pointing at me. "oh," he said. "doesn't she look great?" she asked him, while accidentally touching my boob. and then "i'm the boy!" (which she'd been telling everyone all night, actually.) "oh yeah?" he said, "you're doing a really good job," which i think was a reference to her boob touching. then he put his hand on my sleeve and started petting it. "i just want to pet you!" he said. i blushed, obviously. then he said i was glowing. he also said something about how velvet doesn't breathe to which i responded by telling him i wasn't wearing any underpants, which wasn't even true, just an inappropriate joke.

---

my boss gave a speech in which he thanked me and then called me a "disobedient child" which is my line for him. i almost cried but only because he was almost crying (what a weenie) and i was drunk. afterwards i said "that was really sweet of you" and he said "shut up and act like yourself, i'm not prepared to have you be nice." it was all very loving.

---

grant texted me. it took me a while to figure out who it was, since he signed it "luv, G" and no i didn't already have his phone number saved. obviously it was the best text message ever.

Friday, December 11, 2009

just when i thought i couldn't love grant more

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it turns out, i can love grant more. (someone else made this. thank you very much, someone else!)

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

AND EVEN BETTER

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he shouldn't have kept putting that dick sandwich picture on my myspace page. and he shouldn't have reminded me today that he used to torment me with that picture. but really i'm glad he did, because it made me go looking for this. THIS IS A MASTERPIECE.

look what i just found!

it's old. and it's not got a single thing to do with grant. i did microsoft paint it, though.

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Monday, December 7, 2009

Friday, December 4, 2009

two updates

the other day grant was showing some people including me a video he has been working on. it is starring rick lyon and it is for one of our clients, but it's pretty amazing in spite of all that.

so we watch it. everyone laughs. at the end, everyone claps. after that, grant turns to me and says "so what did you think, number one fan?"

then he turns to everyone and says "she's my target demographic."

***

just now i went over to his desk to give him something.

"thanks," he says, "for everything that you do."

"what?!" i say. "i have no idea what you're talking about."

"i just want you to know i appreciate all the work you do."

grant is delusional. i don't work!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

grant update 12/1/09 3:36 pm

grant and i were discussing his new baby. i asked what his daughter thought and he said "oh, she thinks he's great."

i said "for now."

then i said "if she needs any tips on dealing with annoying baby brothers, tell her she can talk to me."

he said "i will. she'd probably love you."

and i blushed, i think.

and then he said "you guys would be in love."

our relationship is less funny than it used to be.

Friday, November 20, 2009

email exchange update

grant: Unapologetic Self Promotion Of Personal Lifestyle Photography (photo of children enclosed)
irene: I bet every time you look at them you're just so pleased with yourself.
grant: Very.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

a portrait of jj by ANONYMOUS

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and while i'm at it, i just want to clarify that ANONYMOUS and anonymous are two different people, neither of them me.

Monday, November 16, 2009

grant update 11/16/09 6:30 am

grant's wife popped out a baby! it's a boy! it has a name, but that's none of your business. it was pretty big. and it's a scorpio. i told grant good luck with that one, but he's probably not the one who has to worry. teenaged girls of 2025, watch out!

Friday, November 13, 2009

grant update 11/13/09 2:31 pm

grant just suggested i be fluffer on the christmas video shoot.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

grant update 11/12/09 3:01 pm

grant smells like nacho cheese doritos. he just ate some.

grant update 11/12/09 8:51 am

a couple weeks ago an anonymous person (not me) drew this and hid it in grant's belongings to find after we'd moved. he found it, apparently, and pushpinned it up next to his desk. he didn't say a word about it.

i walked over to his desk a couple of minutes ago and laughed when i noticed it hanging there.

"didn't you draw that?" he asked.

"nooooo."

"someone has your sensibility."

i'm not sure what's weirder. that someone drew this or that grant thought i drew it and hung it up next to his desk. OR THAT GRANT KNOWS WHAT MY "SENSIBILITY" IS!!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

grant update 11/10/09 10:47 am

grant needs some pushpins. "desperately."

Friday, November 6, 2009

grant on hookers:

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i'm using a laptop mouse! grant is looking even weirder than usual! yay!

Friday, October 30, 2009

grant is the best at giving compliments

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purple plaid at that!

grant approved and i quote:

"That is a great idea! I think you should market a liquid-proof edition for both the very young and very old demographic targets."

Thursday, October 29, 2009

i had an idea for a new business venture.

i'm waiting on approval from grant for the use of his likeness.

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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

this artwork is by anonymous

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it isn't by ANONYMOUS.

Monday, October 26, 2009

grant just came up to me and said:

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it's a feather earrings day! i win!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

here is a drawing of grant (by me):

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modeling for grant is like:

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we had another photo shoot today. WEIRDO!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

grant took this photo of me yesterday

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so weird being on the other side.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Thursday, October 8, 2009

grant vacation photo update!!

SOMEONE (not ANONYMOUS) altered the photo. i received it with the caption “Yo Grant, lets play a little game called Blow my whistle.”

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there aren't enough words, you guys.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

grant went on vacation to the palm desert or something

he made the mistake (OR ON PURPOSE) of sending us a picture of himself drinking a beer.

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you'll never guess which version i made.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

i came back from vacation today

only to discover that grant is on vacation all week! if only i had known!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

last night ANONYMOUS said to me:

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what a grant thing to say!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

grant update 9/23/09 4:48 pm

grant just told chris that he had "good bananas."

this was after he stood at my desk for a while, eating one of the aforementioned bananas.

"what are you doing?" i said, "trying to inspire me to write?"

"what are you writing?"

"a limerick. about you. and bananas."

"that'll be good," he said.

then he stood there eating the banana some more, until chris came in & he said the thing about good bananas.

so, he picked up my coffee & then we had the following exchange.

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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Monday, September 21, 2009

last week was my one year work anniversary.

grant wrote me a poem. i'm not sharing it. but i will share this email!

WOW! I can’t believe it’s been a year, I mean sheez where has the time gone?! I remember the first time I saw your smiling face behind that big ‘ol desk and thinking, man, now that’s a ray of sunshine!

Hugs -Grant


ANONYMOUS said "that poem made your day." i said "it made me my life."

ANONYMOUS also wrote me a poem. a haiku!

Soft paper towels
Your Hershey kisses, Irene
My favorite thing


then i forwarded ANONYMOUS an article about how some boss got charged with sexual harrassment for making too many hershey kiss jokes. ZING!

life is great.

i'm eavesdropping

grant just told a really dumb joke. everyone over there is laughing, but grant loudest of all. YAY!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Monday, August 31, 2009

Thursday, August 27, 2009

to quote from an email grant sent our entire company

"I know, because I have tried (and failed) to submit entries detailing my favorite subject...me (not porn)."

grant, on wikipedia

Thursday, August 13, 2009

new art.

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this is a new "painting" by ANONYMOUS.

ANONYMOUS explains: "One of my new ANONYMOUS, ANONYMOUS, has an ANONYMOUS called "ANONYMOUS", which ANONYMOUS ANONYMOUS ANONYMOUS better as Kittens in Gravy. New artwork below."

Monday, August 3, 2009

i have some competition in the microsoft paint department.

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this "painting" of a spineless ANONYMOUS was submitted by ANONYMOUS and was made ANONYMOUS because ANONYMOUS doesn't like to have his ANONYMOUS printed in this blog.

Friday, July 31, 2009

"we learned a lot from porn sites"

grant is talking about our new work website and that is what he said. something about "money shots" also made it into the mix.

he is on a roll, because just earlier today grant could be seen walking down the hallway and heard singing this:
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my life is charmed!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

100% literal story, following which he said "i bet i'm not the first one."

grant was just fondling my plastic lemon, so i gave him a banana.

now i am eating a plum.

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

grant may be a freak

but he makes me laugh, which means he makes me happy, which means i'm glad he exists.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

grant's cuteness committee.

remind me to research this further and explain.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

grant is a monkey.

grant was just standing behind my desk, eating a banana.

"it's like having my very own personal monkey!" i yelled.

"yes," he said.

upon further consideration, he added, "the problem with this office is all of the people."

"needs more monkeys," i agreed.

"never met a monkey i didn't like," he added as an afterthought, while walking away.

i didn't say anything but you know what, grant, neither have i.

Monday, July 13, 2009

i know because he just told me so.

grant's body is comprised of 50% chocolate chip granola bar.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

I NEED YOUR HELP

grant's middle initial is "L": WHAT COULD IT BE?!???????????????????

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

so then he says to me...

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thanks for always providing the hits, grant.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

grant is watching the mj memorial stuff on the big tv over here.

"geeze," is all he has to say for himself.

for once.

Monday, June 29, 2009

he is still wearing those white shoes.

grant is out and about, walking around the office, adjusting his pants and generally seeming twitchy. he opens the office door, then turns around and comes back in. the door slams. he picks up a magazine, sets it down. he walks back to the door, opens it, lets it shut. it slams. he adjusts his pants again.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING??"

he looks at me and says "i don't know."

and then "walking around and opening doors."

i try to shoot him with my eyeballs.

this guy.

Friday, June 26, 2009

haiku by coley

hey you in white shoes
peanuts and cookies are food
dont throw them eat them

(inspired by me who was inspired by grant and so you can see, the cycle of grant continues.)

Thursday, June 25, 2009

guess who just threw peanuts and cookies at me?

someone who was wearing white shoes, THAT'S WHO.

my muse has taken to wearing white shoes

i don't know how i feel about it. CONFLICTED!!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

marianne is leaving so i made her this

it's a swan song or a last hurrah or a token of my affection and appreciation, but also serves as an invitation to her going away party. how convenient! we are going to some bar called bare back for her going away party - that grosses me out.

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i'm going to miss marianne, and also kill myself if any of the rest of the coworkers i actually like quit before i do.

Monday, June 1, 2009

today the whole office had to attend "problem solving" training!

it was useful but only because i sat next to marianne, who provided me with this gem:

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meanwhile, GRANT was sitting at my desk spying on all of my stuff! (all of the stuff at my desk is pictures of my nephew, who is THE CUTEST BABY EVER.)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

by popular request, this blog is back to being about grant

grant just came up to my desk, dancing.

"you're crazy," i said.

he said, "stupid is often mistaken for crazy."

you can't argue with facts, can you?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

VERY IMPORTANT


this is extremely important
greg looks most like:
jason bateman
zac efron
corey feldman
josh hartnett
andre braugher







if greg isn't zac efron, then marianne doesn't want to be right

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thanks to marianne for the tip, obviously!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

and then i said "isn't that sad?"

grant just acknowledged that i'm his biggest fan.

um, DUH.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

look who's talking

yesterday, grant happened to walk by me on his way out the door and i was giggling. he asked what i was laughing at. i told him i couldn't tell him, that it would be inappropriate. not everything is grant's penis-colada business, okay?

he seemed miffed.

he walked out the door and said "have fun with your sordid... WHATEVER."

i laughed and laughed.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

tell me this isn't the same dude in both of these pictures

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both of these guys were child stars. isn't that weird?!

left: jason bateman right: greg

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

a name game

super important data:

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source: tyler and this awesome thing.

Monday, May 18, 2009

a grant and his guitar

today grant asked me 700 times if fedex had arrived.

after the 700th time i told him no, he walked very close to my desk and said "i'm like a little kid of christmas!"

later, grant received a delivery: a guitar.

he proceeded to open it AND play it. at work.



(thanks to greg for the tip!)

Thursday, May 14, 2009

today is grant's birthday

1. i believe he is 37.
2. he is not at work.
3. i wonder what he is doing.

on a kind of separate note, today a discussion of grant's birthday with my old timey ex-boyfriend john s. led him to say the following thing, which is the greatest thing he, or anyone else for that matter, has ever said to me:

"insemination is adorable."

that is all.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

it's appropriate.

grant joined a facebook group called "Inappropriate Things to Say at the Dinner Table."

the usual.

a conversation which just took place:

me: you look scruffy.
grant: you feel scruffy?
me: well, yes. and you look scruffy.
grant: i need someone to shave me.
me: well, maybe someone will do that for your birthday.

...

grant: i'm tired. i think i'll eat a banana.
me: that will probably help.

...

grant: are there bananas in daquiris?
me: i don't know, can't you get a daquiri in whatever flavor you want? like, a strawberry daquiri?
grant: good point.
me: do pina-coladas have bananas in them?
grant: i think they just have penis in them.

...

me: did you just say pina?
grant: yes, i did.

...

grant: i think i better go back to my desk.
me: it's probably best.

here's tim's kimono!!

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i'm so glad he found it, finally.

grant's beard

pretty, pretty scruffy right now.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

right this second

i am overhearing grant wax nostalgic about miller's outpost.

MILLER'S OUTPOST.

and now, pegged jeans.

if this isn't a match made in heaven, i don't know what is.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

grant and i just had the following exchange about a banana he ate

grant: it wasn't satisfying.
me: maybe it wasn't big enough.
grant: it definitely wasn't.

that's gross.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

grant update: earlier today but i didn't record the exact time, sorry.

i walked over to dan's desk, which is next to grant's. i forget why. i noticed that grant and i are matching. i mean we are both wearing orange and black.

"hey," i say, "we match!"

he looks at me and says...

(wait for it)

"we have a lot of similar powers."

some part of me knew what he was talking about.

the same but different

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grant + mustache

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Monday, April 6, 2009

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

grant just told me something confidential and exciting!!!

i'll give you a hint: it has to do with fleshy tubes.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

breaking news!!

grant has a mustache.

he ordered a pink drink.

while his band was playing, he stopped and said, "we play in all different tunings... in, and out."

grant gets an a+ for the night.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

i couldn't draw this cuz i can't draw butts onto stick figures

the other day grant comes over to my desk, bends over with his butt in my direction.

i say "excuse me, what do you think you're doing!?!"

he stands up, looks at me, says "oh, nothing" and touches his butt.

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

first thing in the morning upon my return from vacation

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i didn't really roll my eyes on the inside!

Friday, March 13, 2009

grant update 3/13/09 3:05 pm

i just found a notebook in the conference room.

i was looking through it when i realized it belonged to grant.

i started sweating profusely and then began reading his list of things to do out loud to greg:

small microphones
funky sound
bike (something something)
annaversary (spelled incorrectly)

i had to give it back to grant immediately before i did something i might regret.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

hair update

thanks to grant i have short hair now.

it's FUGLY.

and i blame him fully.

Monday, February 23, 2009

grant update 2/23/09 3:33 pm

grant and i were talking about how i am getting a haircut.

he said i should get a severe bob, but to make sure that the hairs in the front come down longer than my chin.

i'm definitely taking this into consideration.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

grant update 2/19/09 11:57 pm

grant just told me i look like anne hathaway.

+ 1 point for grant.

glenn baldwin pringle for seattle's smooth jazz station

i promise, no more glenn baldwin pringle ads from now on.

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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Friday, February 13, 2009

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

today a million of grant's band's cds got delivered to our office

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DOES ANYONE NEED A COPY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, February 6, 2009

i work with this lady we call john stamos

bill photoshopped a picture of her face onto the real john stamos' face. he wouldn't send it to me, but i think my version is much better anyway.

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