comix & etx by a weenie

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

grant update 7/22/08 5:15 pm

grant & i walked to our cars together after work yesterday. they are parked in the garage, and we park right next to each other but not on purpose, because they are the closest spots next to the elevator. we are both lazy.

on the way we discussed several items of interest:

1.) he is a repressed white dude
2.) he should go to therapy
3.) i should be a therapist
4.) he feels compelled to tell me things

i told him that this is a pretty common reaction to me, wanting to spill your guts in my face, and that i am pretty okay with it. in general. but that maybe he should keep most things to himself, since we all know he likes to verge on inappropriate territory.

then he told me i should move to south park.

oh, O-KAY, grant.

Monday, July 21, 2008

grant update 7/21/08 5:05 pm

a little while ago, grant was - SURPRISE! - rifling through the snack bowl. greg came over and asked me to help him with something. i smiled at greg because he is totally dreamy, like jason bateman in his mid-twenties, and told him i would be happy to help him with whatever he needed help with.

grant turns to greg and says "i don't know why she's nice to you, she smiled and everything."

greg does not know what the fuck he is talking about, most likely, but they walk away, talking.

as expected, grant returns to my desk after his little conversation with greg is over.

"grant," i say, "i'm nice to you, too."

he looks at me and says "if you knew me better, you wouldn't be."

"oh, well, then i won't be."

pause.

"one less person around here to have to pretend to like."

Friday, July 18, 2008

grant update 7/18/08 1:27 pm

dan is standing at my desk, digging through the snack bowl for blue jolly ranchers, which he always eats.

"why are the blue ones always so sticky?!" he asks.

"you know," i say "stephanie made that same comment yesterday and it's true - the blue ones are always weird & melty!"

dan says "yeah, your fingers get all sticky when you open them..."

grant, walking by and always eavesdropping on my conversations, must have heard dan ask "do your fingers get all sticky when you open them?" and pipes up. "that's a really personal question, dan!"

in the five seconds it took me to comprehend that grant was making some kind of weird sexual innuendo about sticky fingers and opening things up, my face went from normal to bright red.

"that was really inappropriate, grant," i said.

"probably," he snickered, and walked out the door.

dan was really confused. "was grant making fun of me?" he asks.

"i don't know dan," i sigh, "i don't know."

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

grant update: fourfer

7/14/08 9:17 am

"you're back!"

and off he runs.

7/14/07 1:07 pm

grant's wife and baby came to visit him for lunch. they went out... somewhere.

but before they went out, they visited the snack bowl and let the baby pick something out. no, wait, they didn't. they picked something out for her. it was plain lays potato chips. wife and baby were both very nice, grant - weird as ever.

7/15/08 4:47 pm

grant walks over to my desk, as he does approximately 50072 times a day. ostensibly to get snacks. but he rarely, if ever, takes snacks. he just spies on me.

"so, grant, you have a really cute baby. and tiny! she's really tiny." this is all true. facts which i am stating to grant because he is standing around my desk again.

"yes," he says. "well, she eats a lot." apropos of NOT WHAT I WAS SAYING. "but she also poops a lot."

he turns to walk away, having bestowed upon me this gift of important information.

as he walks away he says "she's like a fleshy tube."

oh, grant.

7/16/08 12:54 pm

grants laugh is more of a guffaw than anything else.

he is guffawing right now.

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